I quit drinking for this?

My cats shed too much, way too much. I get home from work today and there's cat fur everywhere, all over the joint is at least one smooth layer of cat fur. This happens about once a month and it takes about a day to clean it all. Some time ago I'd been thinking about shaving both of them down (I have two of the little bastards) but I think I was maybe talking out loud and the next day I couldn't find my hair clippers. It's been about two weeks now and they still haven't turned up. I'm sure that the cats have hidden my clippers, but I can't find them. This is getting a little out of hand. I have an afro now, big one. With the fro I'm a good foot and a half taller than normal, I should get into hip hop, become a rapper, all the greats have huge fros', and they get PAID!. I could change my name to MC Love Swami, or Dr. AntiFreeze, or The FLZA. I could be like Grandmaster Flash or that kid from What's Happening, the old TV show from the 70's. Damn cats. They're lucky I have bird flu or I'd go and get new clippers, but I'm not allowed in Walgreens anymore after infecting half the staff last week. The manager said that I had a "strange air" about me, whatever the hell that means. Stupid cats and their shedding. I think I'm gonna dress up like Lando Calrissian and chase old ladies though the produce section of Safeway now, that'll make me happy. I'll be back later ...